If we all looked at each other, and saw our selves and those around us, as the angels that we are, we would smile more.

Did Lao Tzu ever have a hangover?

Man, when he enters life,
is soft and weak.
When he dies
he is hard and strong.
Plants, when they enter life,
are soft and tender.
When they die
they are dry and stiff.
Therefore: the hard and the strong
are companions of death;
the soft and weak
are companions of life.
Therefore: when weapons are strong they are not victorious.
When trees are strong they are cut down.
The strong, the great, is below.
The soft, the weak, is above.

Lao Tzu
Dao De Ching
76

Like Moses, Jesus, Abraham, Mohammed, Buddha. Yea, those fellas and their ilk

Every religion is flawed, because every prophet was flawed, because every prophet was a man, and come on people, nobody's perfect. I know i've said it before, and I just have to say it again. Will these pig fuckers just stop talking all the time about things they do not know! Come on people. We don't really have a clue what's going on here. Let's be honest for a second. We're up to our necks in a complicated modernity. We have nuclear weapons, global warming, pollution, we are wiping other species off the earth every day, we are running out of supplies. So we are human beings. High and low, beyond and beneath.

Can we stop killing each other? It's a tuff one. We are hard wired for violence. This new world is not for violence though. This murder and rape and guilt is a flaw in the wiring, this is the darkness of the past, of the decay which has now made us ripe. Let's start fresh, this is not the light of the present, this violence and rape and cruelty which we have allowed ourselves to be surrounded by. Enough. We are damn right training ourselves wrong.

Stop telling each other what the truth is. You don't have a clue. You Jehovah's Witness, shut up. You Jew, zip it, Abraham was a man. He said there is one god. Great. Give the man a prize. There are also a million Gods. Hey Witness of Allah, psst. You are still following the Jews. Moses, Jesus, Mohammad, they were still carrying the message of Abraham. Let it go. Try Buddha. Same One. Try Lao Tzu. Same One. Try LSD. Same One. Try Rasta. Same One. I know nothing. It's empty. It's whole. Come in Honolulu, the ship has left the harbor and is floating unmanned at sea.

a good feeling

is to give everything and expect nothing.

Another Soft Whisper Passes Down the Line

Damn this damn blog. Why do I write a damn blog? Laying it all down the line? It's not reality. It's not me. It's just the plain old insanity off the top of my head. It has very little to do with reality. I guess I just write for myself. Damn though. Feel like I may have run off something good with this Gonzo chatter.

you know, sometimes the best way is just to not give a shit

red grape juice
dribbling down his face
grapes
all over his face
salivating
fruits
pulsing
in decay
who cares?
as the laughter
danced down the road
all the little shrimp people
ate their slivers of lime
the ballerinas sipped their blood
and the soft parade licked itself with glee
and rolled on

A Question

When did having a muse become weird and creepy rather than chivalrous?

Well Goodness Gracious.

Big crazy night last night. Took Kingston for a walk this morning in Central Park. The no leashes before 9 am rule is the greatest. He actually gets to be a dog a little bit. So i'm tired. I'm hungover. And i'm happy. I'm happy that i'm in New York, and it seems like maybe I had to come all this way to get freedom from this attachment i've had to this idea of a girl I just couldn't get over. I was raised all over the world, never really had a home. Didn't meet my dad till I was 16. Mom left me with grandparents when I was 2, then they sent me to England to be with her maybe a year or so later, then my grandparents took me back when I was like 4. Then I got shipped off to boarding school when I was 12. It's really not a very sad story. It's the story of a family with too many resources financially, and not enough resources emotionally. But hey, these are tales of luxury problems. But anyways. I guess the whole adventure left me with some serious abandonment issues. I could not be with the people I loved, no matter how hard I longed to or tried. Dad in Greece, Mom in England, Grandparents in Aspen till they divorced, and then it was Aspen, Hawaii, Greece, Houston, England. I could never be in enough places at once. But they were all nice places to be. The whole world is a pretty nice place to be. So anyhoo. When I was 18 I fell in love with a girl who lived far away. And it was the same old story. I couldn't be with her, and I guess that just made me want it all the more. I always seem to fall when there is distance involved. But there was just this one girl who never left my heart. Her name was Jenn. She lived in NY. It took me ten years of longing, desperation, and madness, wanting her to somehow change her life or come to me, or whatever odd insanity. And then it dawned on me. It was like a bolt of lightening. Go to New York. So I did. But i'm starting to think that was the destiny, and the girl just got me here. Now that i'm here I don't really even want to see her. I'm here now. It's over. The trip is done. The circle is complete. There are so many wonderful women, and I feel like loving Jenn has taught my heart to love freely, it has expanded my love into the universe. Now i'm ready to give my love again. Now I'm free. I'm gonna go get a burger. Aloha.

These are the Words the President Said-(click here to read entire speech)

Too many tears have flowed. Too much blood has been shed. All of us have a responsibility to work for the day when the mothers of Israelis and Palestinians can see their children grow up without fear; when the Holy Land of three great faiths is the place of peace that God intended it to be; when Jerusalem is a secure and lasting home for Jews and Christians and Muslims, and a place for all of the children of Abraham to mingle peacefully together as in the story of Isra, when Moses, Jesus, and Mohammed (peace be upon them) joined in prayer

B.H. OBAMA

38 of the Dao De Jing -Wilhelm Edition. Straight from the Monkeys Mouth... comfort for the insane

Whosoever cherishes Life
does not know about Life
therefore he has Life.
Whosoever does not cherish Life
seeks not to lose Life:
therefore he has no Life.
Whosoever cherishes Life
does not act and has no designs.
Whosoever does not cherish Life
acts and has designs.
Whosoever cherishes love acts but has no designs.
Whosoever cherishes justice acts and has designs.
Whosoever cherishes morality acts
and if someone does not respond to him
he waves his arms about and pulls him up.
Therefore: If DAO is lost, then Life.
If love is lost, then justice.
If justice is lost, then morality.
Morality is the penury of faith and trust
and the beginning of confusion.
Foreknowledge is the sham of DAO
and the beginning of folly.
Therefore the right man abides with fullness
and not with penury.
He lives in being, not in sham.
He puts the other away and adheres to this.

Ferris Lives

I am the nothing that creeps in the night.
I am the place where it doesn't exist.
Behind the illusion
Behind the truth
Everything
Nothing
Nothing
Everything
the illusion
the truth
the clarity
the fog
the dust
the life
I am the nothing
Ain't we all
Future man?

flipsides

Design your own program. G-d doesn't judge. Just be good. If you want to find what you're looking for. Stop looking for it. Oops, there it is.

Enjoyment

So I took the little black dog down to the Canarsie pier at the southern tip of Brooklyn. He needed a swim. There was bad traffic on the way down I must say. But I did take a wrong turn. I also don’t advise taking the Williamsburg bridge into Manhattan at the moment. Construction. Slow. Down at the beach next to the Canarsie pier, we found a coconut. Kingston thoroughly enjoyed swimming. He just swam and swam. Wouldn’t barely come out of the water. He swam so much in fact that when he did come out he squatted for a deuce, and brown water poured out his ass in a fountain. Gross, I know. Only the facts Jack. Jordan was my witness. Jordan and his brother were healthy young boys. They were weighty souls. But happy. They really loved the dog and had a super time playing with him. Good old Jordan asked me “do you have a mother?” I said yes. “Do you have a dad?” I said yes. I told Kingston to sit in my strong voice. The kid said “you have to be nice.” He’s right. I may not have to be nice, but I want to be nice.

I saw two big marine helicopters flying by down by the Canarsie pier. Up toward Manahatta. They had those big American Flags on. I thought “damn, is the president coming to town for some reason?” Turned out he was. Taking the wife to a Broadway show. Right on Barack Obama. Right on buddy. I’m sure the conservatives had something bad to say about it, tax payer dollars and all. They should fuck off. Obama took his wife out on a date. Presidential style. Right on Mr. President. Men, take your wives out. Right on. Enjoy. We’re incarnate!

Here's a bright idea.

I think Clown is going to be the best career path for me.

Let's see Maybe.

Well, I just have to add, as I have written a bit about this girl who my heart followed to NYC with me following behind like a reluctant dumb waiter, my odds are not good. Tonight I ate Chinese delivery using two pens as chopsticks because I don't have silver wear yet, and they didn't put a plastic fork or chopsticks in the bag. That was slippery. So I wanted to make a point about the unlikelihood of anything actually happening with this girl Jenn. She's a woman now, I don't know why I call her a girl. I guess I'm still just a boy. I may really be in New York City to let go of this girl, rather than unite with her as a woman. Maybe I had to follow my heart to let the chords finally be cut and let the spirit go free. We'll see. There is a strong conviction, fed by the molecular stimulants to be sure, that I'm somehow meant for this girl. But I don't think she's interested. In fact I've put plenty of nails in the coffin of any "normal" relationship with Jenn. It's coming up on the 10 year anniversary of me calling her up from the psych ward in hysterics, or maybe it was rehab. I can't really be sure. I was crazy at the time after all. And whenever I go crazy, I go bonkers for this girl. And that's not to say that the love is not always just right there under the surface and ready to ripple its madness, not that I don't think about her every day even when I'm not having the revelations. I thought I had let the girl go. I want her to be happy, I want her to be free. I have to imagine she must be. And she certainly does not need me. And a gayer little rhyme has never been seen. So what am I doing in New York? I'm learning to be me. But I'm fooling myself if I think the process is done. The girl, who I've called the Jew because she is Jewish and once asked me if I would think of converting to Judaism if I married a Jew, is the one really teaching me. She's like my little guardian angel in an alternate universe. The odds of us getting together are probably about 1 in a trillion, maybe 1 in 7 billion, well maybe slightly better than that, but either way they are probably close to the same odds that we are living on this planet, conscious beings experiencing our own deaths, orbiting around the sun in an infinite universe, talking on cellular phones, shooting ourselves through the sky at 500 miles an hour and launching ourselves into outer space in rockets, and communicating with our kin in a digital world of 0s and 1s. How apt that my new zip code is 10001. I'm just a slow learner. At the time I told Jenn that I'd never be a Jew, I had opinions. There was no way I was going to convert to Judaism for any damn thing. I can't remember why. I've had to hate all religions and deconstruct it all and be a nothing in order to come full circle, back to my Episcopalian roots as a child, back to my Jewish roots before that, I mean you did have to be a Jew to be a Christian originally, and back to my African roots before that, because we did all walk out of Africa, all our ancestors are there, and back to my primordial oozeness before that, in order to discover again that in the Nothing, it is all true. I can be it all, as long as I am nothing. And everyone else can be just as much whatever they are as they are. It's all good. So I may have to marry a blond German, Uberales. Who knows. The point is that I have ceased thinking that I really have a choice in the matter. It's like my old self, the self that I identified with as a separate entity, an Andrew, who had been wounded and needed something to complete me, that selfish entity striving to be a self, separate, individual, the Ayn Rand prototype human, it's like that Andrew has died. I have become, or am striving to become, a nothing. I renounce the illusion of control. One thing is for damn sure. I love my dog. I'm just doing this thing. I have no clue what the hell I'm doing. I'm a servant. That's the work of love, the work of the nothing. Maybe Jenn floated, maybe I drowned. It doesn't matter. We all die. We all live forever. The helix. The spiral intertwined, the orbits, the circles. Life. I guess I'm just insane. I'm not manic. I don't have any answers, just an utterly strong conviction in my belief that I don't know. Behind I don't know, my truth is interconnectedness. My faith is in the Human race, one people, one love. But that's so cheesy. Only don't know. That's my motto. It certainly makes life a bit more of a trip. Just a slight move can really change a mans perspective. We get what we need. We appear and reappear and disapear. We die, and are reborn. Namaste. Aloha. Good night.

Nowhere. Now, here. HERE NOW. NOW HERE

yesterday, right near Astor Place, red playing card sitting face down on the side walk. Top of the card says "The Game of Life & How to Play it." So I pick it up and turn it over. Not your average playing card. Bottom says Perfect Self-expression pg. 82. Message on card "Infinite Spirit, give me a definite lead, reveal to me my perfect self-expression, show me which talent I am to make use of now." I'm here.

Green-glowing monkeys have green-glowing babies

The Cruise

I'm just cruising onward. Watching the movie. Seeing where it goes. Getting the apt looking nice. Getting it done. On the Way. Already here. As it is. Let the will of the All be done. Tune tune tune.

Just in case we don't seem like quite enough of an asshole. 5/21/2009. Here's the update on reality, 10 years after my head first exploded in my ass.

Don't forget I am the Reverend Andrew Scott, the Goose Wrangler; an ordained minister, ordained by the Universal Life Church Monastery. I'm bonafied. A bonafied disaster of love fueled madness on wheels. What do I want to do with my life, a model who has known she wanted to be a model and a singer since whe was 13, asked me. I told her I don't know. I've wanted to be a husband and a father since I was 16. That's my high aspiration. Beyond that, I guess I just want to save the world. She laughed. Well shit, I laugh at myself. A real man of faith knows the world doesn't need saving. What the heck kind of reverend does that make me?

See, there are many different levels of reality. At one level everything is fucked and humanity is wreaking havoc and destruction on each other and other life on this planet, and the fastest way to cut your carbon emissions is to just lay on down and die. In that light, all the real environmentalists should just freaking kill ourselves because we'll just never ever be perfect angels. But maybe we already are. I suppose that is really the question of faith.

Beyond that frequency of an angry god, manifested through our own ego and guilt, is the perfection of the All, the Great Is that lies behind our illusions of free will and the idea that we have control over our destiny. We are all, all of us temporary matter, the rocks and trees, the lizards and monkeys, we're all just orbiting around the sun, right? Floating in the midst of infinities of universes, trapped in time, and the illusion of separateness? So we whipsaw and jabberwalk and complain; and build spaceships and sell bottled water. And Why? Maybe because we had to. Maybe we had to do everything we did. Maybe we had to make all the mistakes we made. Maybe we had to go insane. Maybe we had to hate ourselves and each other. Maybe. Was there any other way?

Because of what is, how can it not be? That's the power many call God. It can be a just God, an angry God, a loving God, a perfect God, an imperfect God. We can define It with all the human attributes we want. It just is what it is brothers and sisters. It is what it is. Here we are. We are the Winterberries, witnessing the past fall away, as we fall.

Faith is not a bad thing. It combats many frequencies of madness. It is a soothing medication, but it has its own dangers. It causes its own frequencies of madness when left unchecked. It is the madness of belief, of faith, which causes more war and pain than any of its rival psychotic states. The rules of the open mind are designed to combat this insanity.

What are the rules of the open mind, and how can they combat the psychosis of unchecked belief in a limited form of reality which causes the blindness of men, and hides ourselves from our own true nature? I don't know. That's the first and maybe the only rule. I'm human, I'm infinite energy in a temporary body; a part of the organism of life, a part of the Great Is, yet small and powerless in the midst of greatness. All our religions teach humility, but how can we call ourselves humble if we claim to actually know the nature of reality?

Man, in trying to define God, is at his most insane. And also we are at our most insane when we define ourselves as different or separate from God and from each other because of what we believe, what nation we think we're from, or what color we are. Here is conscious creation in the thick of delusion. But at the same time, can it be any other way?

The truth will catch up. We are already one human family, we are one blood, one people, one human race. We just don't all know it yet, even though we do. If there was a Garden of Eden, an Adam and Eve, the first people. They were the ancestors of us all. We all walked out of Africa on our own two feet, and the ones that stayed behind are still our brothers and sisters. If there is a tribe of Israel, God's chosen people, then we are all those people. We are all Jews. We are all Muslims, we are all what we are: perfect and imperfect, yin and yang, empty, whole. At the end of the day there is always the night, but the Sun never stops shining. It's the sun that lights the moon.

So welcome to the Church of the Open Mind. We can have our own beliefs, and believe them devoutly, and still know we don't have a clue. We're all in the game. We're all just watching our movies. We're the stars of our own little movies in the midst of this bigger movie called life and death, in the midst of a bigger movie called infinity. It's all going to be alright. It has to be, because it is.

The Madman Eats the Loaf

So I lost the game. Sometimes destiny has bigger plans. I’m outside in the great adventure. I’m deep in the frequencies of the unknown, in the massive flow of energy that is New York, 10 million monkeys living in an expansive, thriving hive. It’s a massive monkey jungle they call the Big Apple. Can you imagine how many people are having sex at any one time in this pulsing little creation? There is a lot of sex here, which in some strange way may mean you need less of it. I’m not sure about that quite yet, but I am still distracted by one who I may very well not ever need to see again. She turned on a light in me, so bright that it has taken 29 years to get a hold on. Nothing to complain about there. I guess it took this long to be ready for this place. However long we longed for that gal we call the Jew, that angel who turned on my love light, as long as I can still see light in the day, I will want for her happiness. There is no need for her to be in my life just wishes for her well being. There is still something in my heart that seeks her on the streets, and wants to connect, without any expectations for what will come. But the future makes its own plans. I'm happy to be in this jungle of humanity. It's just a whole lot of us looking out at ourselves through each others eyes in this miracle of creation. One big human family.
Aloha