Thoughts for Obama

I was talking about balls in my previous post, and Barack Obama needs to get a new pair. While NBC and FOX attack each other for being biased, the Fox after NBC for being Obama cheerleaders, and NBC after FOX for licking Mccain’s hoohaa in their fair and balanced way, Barack is getting pit-bulled left right and center. Come on, Mr. Obama please wake up, out of your monotone, slow and deliberate, overly thought out commentary, and push back a little bit. Please Barack, before it’s too late. You are losing the election as we speak. The lipstick on pigs comment was a really dumb thing to say by the way. Did you not listen to Sarah Palin’s speech? Come in Honolulu. She told a joke about the difference between hockey mom’s and pit-bulls. Lipstick was the difference. Now, let’s be clear, I understand that McCain has used the lipstick on a pig comment, as have a number of other politicians over the years. I know you weren’t calling Sarah Palin a pig. Your timing was bad. That old overused line about lipstick on a pig, not a great time to use it. You have likely put that line away for the foreseeable future. Thanks to you, we probably won’t have to hear it again for quite some time. Sarah Palin looks more like a rat anyways. But with lipstick on she’s a damn fine rat!

Listen Mr. Obama, please. In case you didn’t get the memo, politics in America is a fast game. You lost your upper hand. Your slow, mellow, thoughtful, painfully emotionless speech is not working anymore. In case you missed it during the last two elections, the Republicans have a winning strategy. Make the other guy look like a pussy. That’s what they do, and they are doing it to you! You are doing it to yourself. Americans don’t want a sissy for their president, and the Republicans have been working this angle effectively for a few years now. They did it to Al Gore, and they did it to John Kerry. They made them look like girly men. Barack, being mellow and thoughtful worked with Hillary, she outmanned you for sure, but she’s actually a woman, and what do you know, you beat her in the primary, but barely! Get some nuts man! Like I said, it’s all about balls. If Hillary had some pictures of her with guns, and sitting next to large dead animals, she may have had you. You are not standing up very well against your vice presidential opponent, maybe that’s why Mccain picked her, because he is too old to look tuff, despite his history as a military man. And let’s not forget he was in the Navy, the sissy arm of the armed forces.

You didn’t stand up to Bill O’Reilly when he interviewed you. You just sort of stumbled thoughtfully along, while he rolled all over you. Stop thinking so much! Americans don’t have a long attention span, so while you may have all the answers, people don’t pay attention long enough to hear it. They just see you waffling, or silent, and think you may have lost your voice, or your balls! I know you don’t want to seem like an angry black man, but you are running against an angry white man who shakes his withered fist with glee. Try talking a bit faster. Stand up for God’s sake, and stop your halting speech. They want to drill, drill, drill, and bomb, bomb, bomb, you have to say no, no, no, and say it with some heart. You may not notice, what with all the cheering crowds, but you are being dressed in drag darling. You are getting sissified, and you are not helping your case. Come on Obama. McCain and Palin are worse than four more years of Bush. They are the doomsday team. Start talking about it. Tell us you will bring us peace, while they will bring us war, but say it like a man, not like an embarrassed sex ed teacher, timidly talking about things you are not comfortable with. Say something loud, and stop talking like Martin Luther King. America does not want a preacher for a president, but it does want someone who can stand up to Admiral Skeletor and a red headed pit-bull wearing lipstick.