So it's like some kind of journal

Well, I documented the pure insanity here in these online pages. The truth is it's been a shit storm, and I've done pretty well fooling myself on that account over the years. I guess I've been an emotional wreck since I can't really say when. I was born on the road, never knew my father, got left with my grandparents, and from there I got shipped around a whole lot. It really wasn't very much fun growing up a spoiled rich kid. It's more than it's made out to be. As much as I like to pretend, as I sit here mired in a crap heap of 28 years of hiding from my misery, I must say, when I wasn't the boy crying in the dark, I was whistling. So i'm sitting here paralyzed, wondering how to get out of this mess. I never really threw any clothes away over the years, partly as a result of living in so many places at the same time. I could have started a used clothing store by just selling my own. Instead I actually decided it would be a good idea to go around buying up old clothes that people had given away to thrift stores. This is really precious. So I went around collecting a whole lot of what I once saw as gems, and now i'm stuck with a home full of things that I don't need, and a store full of things that I don't need, and that will take me way too long to sell. Also, I've realized that having a store, for me, is a complete and utter nightmare. So I've just awakened from a nightmare that I've built up around myself, and I can't see any way out. As good an option as suicide seems, I really don't want to live on in infamy, as another of those fellows who was found hanging from a rope in his garage. Each day a new beginning right? I believe it's time to start throwing it all away to preserve myself, or whatever self there is worth saving in there. I pray to a god i'm not sure I believe in. I'm broken. Reading Of Human Bondage is not helping me, but it sure is engaging. It sure is pretty outside, but I just can't seem to grasp it. There you have it people. The end of the jumpsuits for me. It's time to get off this silly ship. I don't know where i'm going, and I have no idea how to get there. If I can just get rid of all this shit, it will be a beginning. But it's the mess inside that worries me the most.