Dear Glenn Beck,
You seem so afraid. You seem so intent on making us all so afraid. Why are you so afraid Glenn? What is this information you have which you are striking fear into our hearts with? The national debt you say. The end of the American dream you say. Everything is changing, we are heading for trouble and we need to build an arc you say. We can’t afford to give everyone health care you say. The national debt is skyrocketing and our grandchildren are going to suffer you say. Well Glenn, I can’t disagree with you that our country is in trouble, but my god man, go to a meeting like the recovering alcoholic you always say you are. Take a few deep breaths and let me tell you, it’s going to be OK.
Glenn, we’re all going to die, arc or not. That’s life. It always ends in death, and if the twelve steps you say you’ve worked have taught you anything, I hope they’ve taught you that all we have is today. That means you shouldn’t worry too much about judgment day. If your left foot is in yesterday, and your right foot is in tomorrow, then you are pissing on today. Isn’t that what they say, Glenn? Will you please quit pissing on today, Glenn. There is no giant conspiracy Glenn. If there is, then you’re just as much a part of it as the rest of us. That brings me to Christ, latter day or not. Glenn, do you really think that Jesus Christ would be against universal health care for all? You call yourself a Christian, Glenn. You claim to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Your estimated earnings for the last 12 months is over 20 million dollars, big G. What was it that Captain Jesus said about the rich? Hmm… let me think, I know you took one theology class at Yale before you dropped out. Something to this effect, my good man: it’s easier to thread a camel through the eye of a needle, than for a greedy little piggy to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Hopefully you aren’t worried too much about that though, because acting good today because you are afraid of what might happen when Jesus flies in on a golden winged chariot to flood the land you are building an arc to protect yourself from tomorrow is just going to piss off Captain J all the more. That would simply indicate that you aren’t really living for today. The fires of hell may await you Glenn, no matter how big an arc you build for yourself. But I wouldn’t worry too much about it. If you want the reward Mr. Glenn, you have to be good because you have found goodness in your heart. But when I listen to your fear, to your anger, to your vitriolic paranoia and self-aggrandizement, me thinks you are one of the hypocrites that Jesus so frequently rallied against, Glenn. But here I go starting to sound like you. Let me take a moment to remind myself it’s OK. Three deep breaths, and we’re all going to die. Breath in. Breath out.
Glenn, we can work this out. You are worried that we owe over 300,000 dollars per capita because of this tremendous national debt. You are telling us dedicated viewers of your show that our children are going to inherit this debt, and that we cannot afford to give everyone health care on top of it all. Well, it just so happens that your income over the last 12 months should cover the debt load of about 66 people to begin with. If the government were to simply tax 80% off the top of the income of some of the little piggies who make more than a million dollars a year, we could recoup our government expenses lickety split. I mean, you are always talking about how much you care about America. Thank goodness this great country of ours has so many little piggy banks like yours. Let’s just say we take only 80% of your 2 million dollar yearly salary at FOX News, this wonderful station that does so much to help save the planet from getting saved; that would still leave you 400,000 dollars to live on. You might have to start flying first class instead of taking a private jet, maybe sell a yacht, but I know you care about the people, and I have no doubt that it is a sacrifice you would gladly be willing to make, because you are a true patriot, aren’t you Glenn? You are a good Samaritan, aren’t you Glenn? You have love in your heart, and you care. I believe that to be true. Sometimes the love in our hearts is just hidden from us.
Personal responsibility is dead, get responsible, accept responsibility you say. We’re neighbors you say. When the people lead the leaders will follow you say (quoting a bumper sticker you just saw). You say that if the government will get out of our business we’ll all start taking care of each other. Well that hasn’t really happened, Glenn. In fact, the rich are getting richer, just like you, while the national debt, which you constantly rant about, rises. As you have often pointed out, the job market is barely recovering, while the stock market has rebounded. The people don’t have jobs but we are still trying to get them to go shopping. What do you think that the commercials between your rants are trying to get us to do? According to the numbers from Black Heart Friday, they seem to be working. I can’t remember the last time I saw a commercial for a soup kitchen for the homeless.
There is something wrong with this idea that multi-millionaires need to keep getting richer, Glenn, and not give more back for the greater good. Warren Buffet said it best when he pointed out that his secretary pays more taxes than he does. That’s right Glenn, you can just give your taxes to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints to get your name put on some temple wall or on a Bringham Young University building and write it off, while the national debt keeps on rising. No, you are a good Samaritan, and you wouldn’t think of doing that, would you Glenn? No, you will fight for universal health care, not for Insurance companies, won’t you Glenn? You will fight for equal wages for number of hours worked by workers, rather than fighting for the rights of the bulging pocket books of the rich and famous, right Glenn? You care. Don’t you? May God bless you Glenn, and bring you peace in your heart.
Best Wishes,
The Goose Wrangler
