10/29/08

There is no going back.
No reverse to the right decision
When the devil within has worked his sabotage
We cannot rewind the savage machine
How can one mind move in so many directions?
How can it be so cruel to the vulnerable self?
When the reckoning comes
Only one stands trial
His own judge and jury,
and the cruelest punisher of his own mistakes
In the blink of consciousness
When he slept
And his devil took the helm
Readying the whip of delusion
Preparing a bed of vipers
To greet consciousness when he wakes
And all the flowers of delusion wilt and fall away
Leaving a cracked stem shaking in the cold

train

There is a train in the brain that goes around in circles and never gets anywhere. It has ideas with meaning, but they don´t make sense, like heroin addiction, or an obsession for something that isn´t there. Reality is what makes the most sense in a world of consciousness which doesn´t make sense. Different people build different looking sand castles, and clay is soft and hard, cracking in dry emptiness as it walks into the dark and says goodbye to dreams.

The Cazador

Oh Cazador, the Cazador
Running around mountain pastures chasing little wild pigs
You fool, decrepidating mass of flesh
Distracted by the flashing screens
Inhabiting the hinterlands
Ever on the outside looking in
You rode through the town of Vasilikos in your clattering machine
Chasing a white horse made of clay
Covering yourself with muck and clawing around as if it meant something
Making promises you wanted to believe
Then came the emptiness you had rejoiced
Then was your way blocked by waving steel bars as the flys descended upon you
The Cazador
Who was outside looking in
Flailing and ranting fool
Who fell roughly from your perch, to crawl in the filth of your blindness
Suddenly your sadness turns to anger
Your anger to madness
Cazador, they disapear
Covered in muck, oh Cazador
Dribbling all over yourself
Too sane for life, and too many dreams to cure the sadness
Just turn the anger inward, with a blast to your forehead and clear it all out
A clean slate
Cazador?
So sad you want to die?
Too many of us oh Cazador
One must be the first to go
The anger raging out is the cruelty of what you've done within
The madness began with love
As everything
Will be destroyed by love
Cazador

a few quotes from the Teaching of Buddha which I am reading, and remain most certainly unenlightened...

An unenlightened life rises from a mind that is bewildered by its own world of delusion. If we learn that there is no world of delusion outside the mind, the bewildered mind becomes clear; and because we cease to create impure surroundings, we attain enlightenment. [Bewildered for sure]

All things are primarily controlled and ruled by the mind and are created up by the mind. As the wheels follow the ox that draws the cart, so does suffering follow the person who speaks and acts with an impure mind.

things are like illusions, they can be said neither to be existent, or non-existent.

A wise man, recognizing that the world is but an illusion, does not act as if it were real, so he escapes the suffering. [I´m totally fucked on this one, and there is a band marching by outside this little cafe in Tarifa, Spain, the closest you can get to Africa while still in Europe]

Two extremes to avoid, first is extreme indulgence in the desires of the body, second is the opposite extreme of ascetic discipline, torturing one´s body and mind unreasonably. [who´s with me on the second being less of a problem than the first?]

Things neither exist nor do not exist.

Namu Amida Butsu [in case you don´t say this often anyway, according to this Japanese understanding of Buddhism, make sure to say this before you die, as it could end up being the difference between you being born repeatedly in the sufferings of your mistakes, or being reborn in the pure beautiful land of the Buddha. I´m assuming we´d rather the latter]

what is the meaning of this madness?

The masked avenger sits idly in Andalucia, waiting for a bus to Tarrifa after only a fitful hour of sleep on the plane, after a reunion with the Belgian in the Barcelona night, which ended with a taxi to the airport at 6 in the morning. An hour and a half to wait for the bus departure. Too many questions left unanswered, the end of an age. The pleasure of luxury problems, watching the markets tumble and regretting not pulling it all out 2 months ago. It´s like the difference between a pregnant girl and a light bulb. You can unscrew the lightbulb. Se la vie.

blah blah blah

Al Gore, Hillary Clinton, John Kerry, blah blah blah. Barack Obama, George W Bush, John McCain, blah blah blah. Sarah Palin, blah. Economic crisis, blah blah blah. Markets tumbling, blah blah blah. Bailout plan not working, blah, the American consumers aren't going to be spending like they're supposed to if they can't spend the funny money with their little plastic cards, blah. They aren't going to buy houses and cars without those low interest loans which were thrown at their feet like plush red carpets, saying "come on down!" Blah blah blah. People really are losing jobs, banks really are going under, these are real problems. Trillions of dollars are evaporating out of the stock market, likely to pay off loans on yachts, private planes, and houses in Aspen. Blah blah blah. A new generation of minds, engulfed in flames of madness. Oprah Winfrey, blah blah blah. Important presidential election, and an economic crisis that is helping Obama's numbers in the polls; if he's in a real race with anything in this one, it's racism itself, not that stiff war mongering automaton and his I Love Lucy sidekick, blah blah blah. William Carlos dear, what's interesting about this picture here, is that the wheelbarrow is a green one, with bright white trim, sitting beside a nuclear bomb, with an old gray hen pecking at the seeds around it.